Unwarranted Props

"Hurry up, gimme props so the cameras can see"

 I hate obligatory props.  Every now and then, somebody receives props for something they either don’t do or didn’t do well enough to get the amount of praise they received or the amount of credit you give them.  You see George Dubya above trying to D-Bo the props.  It’s a notch or two below rape in my opinion.  Here are a few things we tend to give people way too much credit for.

1. Natural Hair – I can’t wait to see if Chris Rock’s documentary Good Hair sparks a trend and everybody just starts going nappy after learning the “horrors” of hair-straightening.  The demand for beeswax and frankincense is going to skyrocket.  They don’t tell you that results may vary if you’re not in the habit of reading for leisure and aware of what Darfur is.  In television commercials, you can’t have a smart African-American consumer with a perm or weave…it’s just not believable.  For some reason, it is assumed that people with natural hair are just smarter or “deeper” than everybody else, similar to how white people consider blondes a little less smarter than the average adult.  Would you take Cornel West seriously if he suddenly started sporting a Nick Ashford perm?  I don’t care what anybody says.  Freddie on A Different World was a wierdo.  I would have never cheated off her test in class, strictly based on appearance.  I’da cheated off of Millie’s paper, though.
2. “Good” Hair – I was going to write that having what among Black people is dubbed ”Puerto Rican” or “Indian” hair used to get you extra play, but I realize this is still common practice.  People go to great lengths to get up in somebody’s face if they have some hair that seems to come from anywhere but Africa, regardless of what the person looks like.  Think about it…only the hope of getting some extra play would compel someone to go so far as to Jheri curl themselves.  Will your Soul Glo or cry itself to sleep when your hair looks like somebody unraveled a cassette tape? 
   

   That hair didn't keep any of those Debarge boys outta jail.

3. Not Having Kids – “Wow, so you got your own place, a good job, ain’t got no kids…mm!” (said to a dude with a wall eye and a neck like a pack of hot dogs who doesn’t read so well).  Why does this impress anyone?  Some people that don’t want to have kids just don’t have them.  Other times, rip happens.  Lack of offspring isn’t a sign of virtue…it’s a sign of abstinence, unboneability, functional condoms, an honest birth control schedule…I could go on because it varies.  Just saying not having kids is not an impossible feat and doesn’t necessarily qualify you for an X-Men starter kit.
   

   Ineligible.

4. Raising Their Own Kids – “He’s got 6 kids by 6 babymamas but he takes care of all his kids, girl”.  Which would be a full-time job, a lot of gas money, and a sh*tload of tricycles.  Don’t give people extra credit for doing what they’re supposed to do.  The credit’s for actually being good at it.  There are plenty of kids who were “raised” that could tell you fond memories about getting beat with the refrigerator door as a kid.  Remember the girl’s underage mom from Lean On Me?  Technically, yeah, she was raising her kid, but if she was doing a good job, do you think Mista Clark would have needed to get involved?
5. Bagging On Bush – Anywhere.  Any audience.  Microphone.  ”George W. Bush is an idiot”.  Applause, cheers, laughter, parade, confetti, somebody starts selling cotton candy…guaranteed agreement, approval and acceptance.  Too easy.  Damn shame people are going to actually have to come up with original jokes to put in their speeches pretty soon.  I guess you’ve got to really milk the last drop of funny out of eight years of Presidential yokel-ry.
6. HD – High-definition television is overrated.  It’s just not great for everything.  Nobody wants to see NBA keloids or Glen Beck double-chin-sweat all that clearly.  Discovery Channel or Animal Planet?  Great.  Playstation 3?  Awesome.  Watching a meth addict in stained briefs get arrested on COPS in HD?  Rather stare directly at the sun…just straight at it.  There is a certain level of truth that I expect my TV to hide from me and the line’s been crossed.
7. Gay Fashion Props - Gay dudes sometimes get unnecessary fashion credit.  Case in point: the dude Dwight from The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  He is forever calling people out and may have a valid background in what he gives advice on, yet has taken recently to dressing like a cross between Nat King Cole and Count Drag-ula.  Doesn’t he kinda remind you of a member of that Jackson family spin-off group 3T with the conk and everything?  Yet and still, you would listen to his advice on damn near everything simply because he’s gay (and also usually right about stuff). 

Basically, the lesson for the week is this: give folks credit for things they do, not what you think they will do based on stuff that doesn’t really matter for real. 

 

In fitting with the theme…presenting classic NY hip-hop: “Props Over Here” by The Beatnuts.