10 Reasons I Didn’t Get Around To Watching Black In America

Nothing says Black In America than not smiling in photographs. Homegirl second fron the left must have grown up in the suburbs.

A good friend and reader texted me last night asking whether or not I was going to be posting anything regarding CNN’s Black In America documentary.  I responded that the best I could do is write a few reasons why I didn’t watch it.  I knew full well that it was on, since everybody on Facebook likes to let everyone know they watch CNN.  Just didn’t really cause a blip on my personal radar.  Here are the ten reasons why I didn’t watch CNN, in no particular order (though the last reason I listed is undoubtedly the most truthful and significant).  Don’t expect me to be politically correct…but politically incorrect doesn’t necessarily mean incorrect in general.  “Message!”

1. Multiple Katt Williams clips on Youtube.  I’d rather listen to the infinite wisdom of A Pimp Named Slickback (like A Tribe Called Quest; please say the whole thing, if you would) anyday.
2. The host’s name was Soledad O’Brien.  I know she isn’t the Blackest reporter they could have gotten.  She’s half-Cuban (OK, there are Black points there), half-Irish (read: white) but could they have at least picked a reporter with a Blacker name?  Soledad is a Spanish word for solitude.  O’Brien sounds like a racist Irish cop from the Prohibition era.  Were there no reporters named Yvette Jefferson or Lamont Floyd available?  Genius idea: let a Black reporter get paid.  We like checks too.  How about this brotha or Sue Simmons?  I’d trust either one of the two.  Let’s have Michael Baisden host Latino in America whenever they decide to air that.  Y’all owe us one. 
   

   Something tells me there might be consequences and repercussions in some places for whistling at Soledad O'Brien on the street.

3. Whoopi Goldberg was a contributor.  Aside from not really wanting to look at her, Whoopi hasn’t done anything Negro-relevant since 1985.  Sister Act didn’t count.  We only watched Sister Act 2 because Lauryn Hill ripped sh*t up in it.  I’m still trying to forget Kingdom Come was ever filmed.
4. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.
5. Lupe Fiasco was a contributor.  I’ve already got all of Lupe Fiasco’s CDs and even a couple mixtapes.  ”Put You On Game” will pretty much tell you all you need to know about being Black In America, so I don’t know if I need spoken commentary sans a hot beat from him.
6. Spike Lee was a contributor.  A DVD box set of his films (excluding The 25th Hour)would suffice…or just the final scene from Do The Right Thing.  Yeah, that would just about cover the Black experience.
7. Used 96 minutes of the time when it aired to watch Belly one more time.  What country in Africa was Sincere supposed to be moving to?  Just Africa in general?  And real talk, the speech at the end of the film from Rev. Savior was deep.  Listen to that and “Wu-Revolution” off of the Wu-Tang Forever LP and you’ll be straight.  We need to look forward and change our way of thinking in general as opposed to going over sh*t we already know about.  This was mainly for white people who don’t understand being Black, which is all of them (except for Paul Wall).
8. Russell Simmons was a contributor.  This n***a (yes, I went there) built an empire off of the N-word and then had the audacity (post-yoga-and-vegan certifiably white life decisions) to try and ban it from the recording industry like he and Oprah have the final say-so on what Black artist are allowed to say.  Please sit your a** down somewhere and meditate.  And nobody wears Phat Farm or Baby Phat anymore.
9. Took 24 minutes of the time it aired to read an entire JET magazine from 2003 (the whole thing…I didn’t know Peabo Bryson owed back taxes!).  Then went to their site and pondered why they thought it important, beneficial to Black America, or relevant at all to publish an op-ed piece from this clown Del Walters comparing Marion Barry to George W. Bush, Mark Sanford, and Sarah Palin, asking which did “more to harm America”, asking the media and public to ” back off of Barry “.  LMAO.  Silly Negroes.  Thanks, JET!
10. Had just finished watching back-to-back episodes of That’s My Mama, Good Times and Martin on TV One.  There was about 38 Negro-friendly McDonald’s commercials thrown in there too.  Black overload.
11. I’ve been Black in America for over 27 years.  I grew up in the Bay Area, CA, went to Howard University, and have lived in Chocolate City (Washington, DC) for about ten years.  The only person who can really at this point tell me anything about being Black in America is Skip Gates, Jr.  I think he would be the most relevant aficionado on the true Black experience as of July 23, 2009.  Chu’ch!