Things that make you go "hmmm..."
I tried to resist the urge to go in on this subject, but the streets keep callin’ me, so here goes…
Part of me hates to knock a Black project or another Black writer off top (see Do Better: Black People Books for complete self-contradiction)…well, part of me does…unfortunately, it’s the part of me that can’t type. That being said, you should also form your own opinion before reading and if it suits you, please do go out and support Bitch Is The New Black by Helena Andrews. At least it isn’t Zane.
Read a Washington Post article about Helena Andrews’ Bitch Is The New Black here.
What bothered me about the article (among a laundry list of things) was that the book and its concept seem to be extremely self-aggrandizing on the part of Andrews and her Negro-elite circle of friends, compared with the overwhelming negativity thrown at Black men. It also seemed to approach Andrews’ book as if it was a completely innovative concept, as if it’s unusual for Black women in the blogosphere and in the media to go on and on about how Black men aren’t measuring up and how there are no “good” Black men. There’s even a movie being made by the creator of Grey’s Anatomy. Trite, overdone, and at this point run into the ground. Black men need support and encouragement from those who would call themselves our sistas, not to be consistently beat over the head with how we’re not good enough, particularly when us not being good enough has a lot to do with what we already know…Black women attend college at higher rates than do Black men and also tend to hold higher professional positions than do Black men. It’s statistics. If you’re looking for someone at your same career level who also happens to be a Black man, pickin’s will be slimmer. Process and move on. Do we need to hear this story again?
Author Helena Andrews
I’m also a writer living in Washington, DC. I married this past August, yet all of my friends are single and still on the scene, so to speak. This allows me an interesting point of view and insight on the topic of Black dating in the District. I attended Howard, where women outnumbered men about fifteen to one at the time I entered freshman year. Many Howard students remain in the DC area, so I imagine that the ratio of brothas to sistas in the same age group and social circles would be relatively similar. This doesn’t mean that brothas just have a sepia smorgasboard of dateable women to choose from. The difference is that men and women are looking for different things.
This is apparently something Andrews said in the above interview: “I went on a date last night with Cornrows,” Andrews says, using the nickname that her friends have given the man. “I got in his car and there was this strawberry smell fragrance. I had to roll the window down by hand. I assume it’s paid for.”
Interesting. We’ve first reduced the measure of a man to his hairstyle (I doubt Andrews or her friends would appreciate being given monikers based on body parts or hairstyles, i.e. “I went on a date last night with ‘Snatch-back’”, but I digress…) which doesn’t seem to be a hairstlye Ms. Andrews is/was attracted to, despite being on a date with the brotha…guess she figured she would bear with it for the purpose of a free meal and not spending her own gas money to get there, though…how upwardly mobile of her. Second, she’s griping to her girlfriends about rolling down the window of his car by hand and on top of that, she concerns herself on date one, mind you, with whether or not this brotha’s car is paid for. What difference does that make to anyone aside from him? These seem like concerns for women who don’t have all the secondary degrees, style and means which The Post’s DeNeen Brown noticeably goes on and on about in the article. The whole thing read like a bit of a girl-crush.
I’m seeing a double standard. What separates a woman with the concerns paraphrased above with your textbook gold-digger? They’re both overly concerned with things they did nothing to help the man acquire. They both seem to consider material posessions and status a deal-breaker in relationships. If you as a Black woman have a master’s degree, good for you. Does any man you would potentially date need to also have one as well to even be relevant? Aren’t you paying your rent/mortgage on your own regardless? It’s the old Beyonce-fueled ”Independent Women”/”Bills, Bills, Bills” contradiction. It’s almost 2010 and we’re in a recession…there are homeless people with master’s degrees at this point and there are are people with GEDs owning and operating their own businesses. Do you hold more merit as a human being because you were able to get through some classes? I’ve passed college courses by showing up three times a semester and I know complete idiots with master’s degrees. And as far as Andrews’ “winter boo” concept (a seasonal mate), sounds a little ho-ish to me, but I guess the rules change for the upwardly mobile and also for women. A man who does that is a dog, but a professional woman I assume is just entitled to do as she pleases.
I think the reason you don’t hear as many men talking about not being able to find a good woman is not based on statistics or availability, it’s because brothas look for different things. Many of us would have no qualms about baggin’ a shift manager at Church’s Chicken if we were attracted. Free and discounted chicken (well, maybe not from Church’s) with a side of booty is always a plus. In all seriousness, though, men look for what can keep them interested: physical attraction, good conversation, good sex, and some modicum of self-respect. We’re not asking for much. Why? Because we’re not raised to look for someone to support us. Though Black women today like to expound on how independent they are, many were still raised and programmed, if you will, by mothers and fathers from a different generation…a generation raised to believe that there was only so far one could go in life as a Black woman, so make sure your man can do for you if you can’t do for yourself. That’s all well and good, but you have to look at your environment…not to cast blame or scapegoat at all, but sh*t ain’t sweet for the Black man in America, pre- or post-Obama. We’re still in the struggle. I think we need to be building up our brothas who haven’t quite made it yet as opposed to breaking down why thye’re not good enough for you at every turn.
