
So I just heard that terrible excuse for a song “Papers” by Usher. I know R&B singers think we want them to chronicle their lives for us and “keep it real” on every song, but I think I’m okay on all that. Just record something for the club, something for that late night creep and a few ballads for the chicks about normal stuff. Divorce papers? Anti-sexy. Your testimony about how you went and proposed to a hair-doin’ chick that already had three babies by two other cats? I may vomit.
Actual Line: “To all my fellas up in here, if you had enough and you’re ready to sign say…”
I’m not saying anything. Ursher, that was YOU, playboy. If another cat already had two by her and didn’t say “Okay let’s work it out for the kids”, then I think I’d keep my million-dollar joy juice to myself, not to mention the wedding ring. Now it’s divorce, so let’s see what the damage gon’ be…
I hate that I even know any of this, though, to be honest. I can’t even listen to this dude’s music anymore.
I’ve discovered the major difference between old school celebrity and modern celebrity. We know way too damn much about every person since 2000 who has ever picked up a mic, jumped in front of a camera, or did anything publicly at all, including just being the offspring of somebody who did something. Whereas before the Internet, people never really paid attention to the Enquirer or took gossip rags seriously, you’ve got Bossip and TMZ just ruining lives and hyping the BS 24-7. Sure, back in the day, celebs damn near went crazy behind the scenes. Rock Hudson, Phyllis Hyman, the list goes on and respect due. I think today, though, celebs are more over-exposed than a Chi-town ho in the wintertime. Look at Beyonce and Jay…you never hear anything about what’s going on with them. Far as we know, they’re the Black Cleavers and never fight or fall out. That’s how it should be.

Love this couple. Why? Because I don't know a damn thing about them for real.
Back in the day, I didn’t know anything about celebrities. Mr. T was just B.A. Baracus. Jasmine Guy was just Whitley Gilbert. Nowadays, a conversation between my wife and I abotu an actress goes like this:
A: “You know that’s Diane Lane right?”
Me: (blank stare)
A: “Married to Josh Brolin…”
Me: (blank stare)
A: “Josh Brolin…Brand from the Goonies?”
Me: “Word, hell yeah! The Goonies, that’s what’s up, my man…”
A: “But you still don’t know who Diane Lane is?”
Me: “She ever make anything that would at all concern [ninjas]?”
A: “Good point…maybe if you consider Hardball…”
Me: (“stop it” face)
Basically, I choose not to retain any information about actors beyond the roles they play on film or TV. It just ruins everything. I thought Payback was a dope movie and Mel Gibson got street cred from me the same way Rob Deniro gets undue street cred for playing a mobster 17 times. Then, Mel went and got arrested talking some craziness. Bruce Willis was the man after Die Hard, but after the Demi/Ashton thing…would John McClane let that fly? I don’t think so. Somebody woulda got punked and it wouldn’ta been Bruce…yippee-ki-yay muthaf****z.

Ayo John McClane, WTF?
With rap it’s different because the artists often let beef spill over into their music and a lot of the culture is based on rivalry and who-said-what. It’s like the WWF minus all the rednecks, throw in a hearty helping of Negroes. Though beef often produces some of the worst records I have ever heard in my adult hip-hoppin’ life, I like rap beefs because they don’t have any bearing on anything. Nobody talks about all the illegitimate hip-hop babies or who got their kids taken from them or who called who a “fire-crotch”. Britney Spears on the other hand needs to be slapped for being out there performing and living life when Kevin Federline has her kids. Kevin Federline. I don’t wanna see any shows, performances, new albums, radio spots, any of that until you get custody of the babies you pushed up outta yourself. Get it together. And as you can see, I’m extremely judgmental without all the facts which is like most people watching from the outside in. Knowing this, you would think some of these people would have the good sense to at least smooth the sh*t over and make it look better. At the end of the day, here’s my preference…let your work speak for itself and paparazzi…simmer down. The main thing is it’s become harder and harder for celebs to keep a personal life with TMZ employees falling out of hedges, climbing over fences and recording their every move. It’s up to us as consumers to stop feeding into the bullsh*t and basically say collectively: “Let me know when some sh*t really jumps off”.
And now for one of the sorriest excuses for an R&B song I’ve bothered to listen to all year (I did this just for this post, so y’all should feel blessed):



There is a certain level of truth that I expect my TV to hide from me and the line’s been crossed.




![de_Blasio_mail_5[1]-1.jpg de_Blasio_mail_5[1]-1.jpg](http://shakashawshow.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/bill-deblasio.jpg?w=270&h=270)










Commentary Unnecessary: Katt Williams’ Mugshot
10 11 2009Okay, for 2010, can we all commit to following the principle that the male perm is not a jail-friendly hairstyle? If you have one, just stay out of jail. Nobody wants to see you looking like Thing 1 and Thing 2 from the Dr. Suess books. Speaking of which, how long is James Brown’s rap sheet? Is DMX trying to break his record? Messin’ with them white girls, I guess…or that white girl (*cocaine*).
James looks like he's fresh off a performance...not the worst thing I've ever seen.
This right here? This IS the worst thing I've ever seen. James looks like Darnell's mama from up the block with the full 5:00 shadow who chain-smokes Virginia Slims on her porch all day.
Um...Buffalo Soldier?
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Tags: James Brown, Katt Williams, mugshot
Categories : Celebrity Stuff, Comedy, Commentary Unnecessary