Commentary Unnecessary: Katt Williams’ Mugshot

Okay, for 2010, can we all commit to following the principle that the male perm is not a jail-friendly hairstyle?  If you have one, just stay out of jail.  Nobody wants to see you looking like Thing 1 and Thing 2 from the Dr. Suess books.  Speaking of which, how long is James Brown’s rap sheet?  Is DMX trying to break his record?  Messin’ with them white girls, I guess…or that white girl (*cocaine*).

James looks like he's fresh off a performance...not the worst thing I've ever seen.

This right here? This IS the worst thing I've ever seen. James looks like Darnell's mama from up the block with the full 5:00 shadow who chain-smokes Virginia Slims on her porch all day.

Um...Buffalo Soldier?

I Know Way Too Much About Every Living Celebrity (And I Hate It)

So I just heard that terrible excuse for a song “Papers” by Usher.  I know R&B singers think we want them to chronicle their lives for us and “keep it real” on every song, but I think I’m okay on all that.  Just record something for the club, something for that late night creep and a few ballads for the chicks about normal stuff.  Divorce papers?  Anti-sexy.  Your testimony about how you went and proposed to a hair-doin’ chick that already had three babies by two other cats?  I may vomit.

Actual Line: “To all my fellas up in here, if you had enough and you’re ready to sign say…”

I’m not saying anything.  Ursher, that was YOU, playboy.  If another cat already had two by her and didn’t say “Okay let’s work it out for the kids”, then I think I’d keep my million-dollar joy juice to myself, not to mention the wedding ring.  Now it’s divorce, so let’s see what the damage gon’ be…

I hate that I even know any of this, though, to be honest.  I can’t even listen to this dude’s music anymore.

I’ve discovered the major difference between old school celebrity and modern celebrity.  We know way too damn much about every person since 2000 who has ever picked up a mic, jumped in front of a camera, or did anything publicly at all, including just being the offspring of somebody who did something.  Whereas before the Internet, people never really paid attention to the Enquirer or took gossip rags seriously, you’ve got Bossip and TMZ just ruining lives and hyping the BS 24-7.  Sure, back in the day, celebs damn near went crazy behind the scenes.  Rock Hudson, Phyllis Hyman, the list goes on and respect due.  I think today, though, celebs are more over-exposed than a Chi-town ho in the wintertime.  Look at Beyonce and Jay…you never hear anything about what’s going on with them.  Far as we know, they’re the Black Cleavers and never fight or fall out.  That’s how it should be.

Love this couple. Why? Because I don't know a damn thing about them for real.

 Back in the day, I didn’t know anything about celebrities.  Mr. T was just B.A. Baracus.  Jasmine Guy was just Whitley Gilbert.  Nowadays, a conversation between my wife and I abotu an actress goes like this:

A: “You know that’s Diane Lane right?”

Me: (blank stare)

A: “Married to Josh Brolin…”

Me: (blank stare)

A: “Josh Brolin…Brand from the Goonies?”

Me: “Word, hell yeah! The Goonies, that’s what’s up, my man…”

A: “But you still don’t know who Diane Lane is?”

Me: “She ever make anything that would at all concern [ninjas]?”

A: “Good point…maybe if you consider Hardball…”

Me: (“stop it” face)

Basically, I choose not to retain any information about actors beyond the roles they play on film or TV.  It just ruins everything.  I thought Payback was a dope movie and Mel Gibson got street cred from me the same way Rob Deniro gets undue street cred for playing a mobster 17 times.  Then, Mel went and got arrested talking some craziness.  Bruce Willis was the man after Die Hard, but after the Demi/Ashton thing…would John McClane let that fly?  I don’t think so.  Somebody woulda got punked and it wouldn’ta been Bruce…yippee-ki-yay muthaf****z.

Ayo John McClane, WTF?

With rap it’s different because the artists often let beef spill over into their music and a lot of the culture is based on rivalry and who-said-what.  It’s like the WWF minus all the rednecks, throw in a hearty helping of Negroes.  Though beef often produces some of the worst records I have ever heard in my adult hip-hoppin’ life, I like rap beefs because they don’t have any bearing on anything.  Nobody talks about all the illegitimate hip-hop babies or who got their kids taken from them or who called who a “fire-crotch”.  Britney Spears on the other hand needs to be slapped for being out there performing and living life when Kevin Federline has her kids.  Kevin Federline.  I don’t wanna see any shows, performances, new albums, radio spots, any of that until you get custody of the babies you pushed up outta yourself.  Get it together.  And as you can see, I’m extremely judgmental without all the facts which is like most people watching from the outside in.  Knowing this, you would think some of these people would have the good sense to at least smooth the sh*t over and make it look better.  At the end of the day, here’s my preference…let your work speak for itself and paparazzi…simmer down.  The main thing is it’s become harder and harder for celebs to keep a personal life with TMZ employees falling out of hedges, climbing over fences and recording their every move.  It’s up to us as consumers to stop feeding into the bullsh*t and basically say collectively: “Let me know when some sh*t really jumps off”.

And now for one of the sorriest excuses for an R&B song I’ve bothered to listen to all year (I did this just for this post, so y’all should feel blessed):

Unwarranted Props

"Hurry up, gimme props so the cameras can see"

 I hate obligatory props.  Every now and then, somebody receives props for something they either don’t do or didn’t do well enough to get the amount of praise they received or the amount of credit you give them.  You see George Dubya above trying to D-Bo the props.  It’s a notch or two below rape in my opinion.  Here are a few things we tend to give people way too much credit for.

1. Natural Hair – I can’t wait to see if Chris Rock’s documentary Good Hair sparks a trend and everybody just starts going nappy after learning the “horrors” of hair-straightening.  The demand for beeswax and frankincense is going to skyrocket.  They don’t tell you that results may vary if you’re not in the habit of reading for leisure and aware of what Darfur is.  In television commercials, you can’t have a smart African-American consumer with a perm or weave…it’s just not believable.  For some reason, it is assumed that people with natural hair are just smarter or “deeper” than everybody else, similar to how white people consider blondes a little less smarter than the average adult.  Would you take Cornel West seriously if he suddenly started sporting a Nick Ashford perm?  I don’t care what anybody says.  Freddie on A Different World was a wierdo.  I would have never cheated off her test in class, strictly based on appearance.  I’da cheated off of Millie’s paper, though.
2. “Good” Hair – I was going to write that having what among Black people is dubbed ”Puerto Rican” or “Indian” hair used to get you extra play, but I realize this is still common practice.  People go to great lengths to get up in somebody’s face if they have some hair that seems to come from anywhere but Africa, regardless of what the person looks like.  Think about it…only the hope of getting some extra play would compel someone to go so far as to Jheri curl themselves.  Will your Soul Glo or cry itself to sleep when your hair looks like somebody unraveled a cassette tape? 
   

   That hair didn't keep any of those Debarge boys outta jail.

3. Not Having Kids – “Wow, so you got your own place, a good job, ain’t got no kids…mm!” (said to a dude with a wall eye and a neck like a pack of hot dogs who doesn’t read so well).  Why does this impress anyone?  Some people that don’t want to have kids just don’t have them.  Other times, rip happens.  Lack of offspring isn’t a sign of virtue…it’s a sign of abstinence, unboneability, functional condoms, an honest birth control schedule…I could go on because it varies.  Just saying not having kids is not an impossible feat and doesn’t necessarily qualify you for an X-Men starter kit.
   

   Ineligible.

4. Raising Their Own Kids – “He’s got 6 kids by 6 babymamas but he takes care of all his kids, girl”.  Which would be a full-time job, a lot of gas money, and a sh*tload of tricycles.  Don’t give people extra credit for doing what they’re supposed to do.  The credit’s for actually being good at it.  There are plenty of kids who were “raised” that could tell you fond memories about getting beat with the refrigerator door as a kid.  Remember the girl’s underage mom from Lean On Me?  Technically, yeah, she was raising her kid, but if she was doing a good job, do you think Mista Clark would have needed to get involved?
5. Bagging On Bush – Anywhere.  Any audience.  Microphone.  ”George W. Bush is an idiot”.  Applause, cheers, laughter, parade, confetti, somebody starts selling cotton candy…guaranteed agreement, approval and acceptance.  Too easy.  Damn shame people are going to actually have to come up with original jokes to put in their speeches pretty soon.  I guess you’ve got to really milk the last drop of funny out of eight years of Presidential yokel-ry.
6. HD – High-definition television is overrated.  It’s just not great for everything.  Nobody wants to see NBA keloids or Glen Beck double-chin-sweat all that clearly.  Discovery Channel or Animal Planet?  Great.  Playstation 3?  Awesome.  Watching a meth addict in stained briefs get arrested on COPS in HD?  Rather stare directly at the sun…just straight at it.  There is a certain level of truth that I expect my TV to hide from me and the line’s been crossed.
7. Gay Fashion Props - Gay dudes sometimes get unnecessary fashion credit.  Case in point: the dude Dwight from The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  He is forever calling people out and may have a valid background in what he gives advice on, yet has taken recently to dressing like a cross between Nat King Cole and Count Drag-ula.  Doesn’t he kinda remind you of a member of that Jackson family spin-off group 3T with the conk and everything?  Yet and still, you would listen to his advice on damn near everything simply because he’s gay (and also usually right about stuff). 

Basically, the lesson for the week is this: give folks credit for things they do, not what you think they will do based on stuff that doesn’t really matter for real. 

 

In fitting with the theme…presenting classic NY hip-hop: “Props Over Here” by The Beatnuts.

The New Bullsh*t: Jay-Z As Satanist

Apparently, the media is bored.  No rappers have been shot recently, no significant beefs going on, nobody’s outdone the Octomom yet, etc…so when there isn’t any news, news-makers make it up.  The new fabrication tainting the web and occupying Bible-beaters and conspiracy theorists alike is that Jay-Z (as well as Kanye and Rihanna both by collaboration and association) is a Satanist.  For those who have missed the bullsh*t being slung around the web thus far, I’ll write it again…the new rumor is that Jay-Z is a Satanist.

Y’all sound real stupid right now.  Am I the only one that remembers the following conspiracies that materialized into absolutely nothing?:

1. Liz Claiborne is a racist.
2. Tommy Hilfiger is a racist.
3. Luther Vandross died (before he actually did).
4. The company Timberland is owned by the KKK.

A few of many that I never bought into (I prefer facts and affirmation straight from the horse’s mouth) but were widespread, never proven, and eventually forgotten about.  The saddest part is that Jay-Z is one of the most articulate Black men with the most visibility in mainstream media, in rap or elsewhere.  He is a highly successful, innovative, and prolific artist and philanthropist with a body of work that few rival in terms of consistency.  Since Jay doesn’t give us too much to criticize, it’s only natural someone would find it necessary to weave a quilt out of pure bullsh*t.  Some say he’s sold his soul to the Devil for success.  OK, have you heard any of his albums?  It doesn’t take Lucifer whispering in my ear to make me or anyone else go pick up a Jay-Z album.

Hov's new homie: "So, Jigga, you think you could get me tickets to a Nets game or what?"

The video for “Run This Town” allegedly has some actions and images that could be construed as related to Satanism and/or membership to an “occult order (probably Freemasonry)”, according to Vigilant Citizen.  First, Freemasonry is not an occult order, but since it is a relatively secretive organization, it’s an easy way to get people scared and riled up.  The association between Freemasonry and Satanism was linked and then publicly discredited due to the writings of Leo Taxil, a libelous late 1800s writer who himself announced that his own claims relating the two concepts were fictitious, even going so far as to thank the clergy for giving his claims publicity.  Someone clearly has not done their research or is reading what they want to read and presenting it as fact to others who are too lazy to do the research for themselves.  Regardless, all of this is hearsay and based on opinion, presented by people who clearly have their own personal vendettas and vested interests.

The aforementioned site goes into depth talking about Jay-Z’s Rocawear line and some symbols used in it, saying they are directly related to Freemasonry, though many of the symbols also appear on money, which is a large part of the subject matter of Jay-Z’s music.  The icing on the cake is that the site also takes quotes from Mobb Deep’s Prodigy, a rival of Jay’s who (surprise) is the first to speak out against Jay-Z and his alleged connection to “the beast”.  I guess he’s still pissed about Jay-Z outing him as a ballet enthusiast.  This from a member of Mobb Deep who, on a recent (2006) album titled Blood Money, posed with rhyme partner Havoc in front of a giant pyramid, which the writer of the article describes as “blatantly Masonic” in reference to the symbols used in Rocawear clothing.  The Freemason organization is relatively secretive, so would a member really go so far as to place these symbols on clothing for non-members to wear?  Methinks not.

Rihanna throwing up the rock & roll symbol...don't remember anyone claiming Avril Lavigne was a Satanist.

Another perceived yet poorly thought-out “issue” is Jay’s use of the term “God” in reference to a human being, describing it as part of a “Luciferian belief” that men can be gods.  ”God” is actually quite popular in New York slang and hip-hop and is more related to Five Percent Nation ideology than Satanism, which is an obscure reference and seems to grab at straws for lack of concrete information.  The Five Percent Nation is an offshoot of the Nation of Islam and is in no way related to Satanism…quite the opposite actually.  Rap groups Brand Nubian and Wu-Tang have long been associated with the Five Percent Nation and referred to one another and Black men and women in general as “gods and earths”.  If Jay-Z wanted to come out and be a Five Percenter, I don’t think there would be all that much push-back.  It’s not as unusual a belief system as one might think and there is much validity to their beliefs.

Quite simply, folks, the Internet being what it is, you can find any information to prove or disprove any theory you could dream up.  Any time someone is at the top of their game and successful, there will be detractors.  Michael Jackson died amidst a swirl of rumor and negativity, as did many iconic figures.  We have to be smarter than this, people.  It’s music.  There’s so much more that matters in life.  If you’re so devoted to Christianity, shouldn’t your faith be stronger than to put this much stock into something as frivolous as perceived subliminal messages and imagery?

And just because I like to toy with peoples’ insecurities, cue up Reasonable Doubt …and play it backwards.  Welcome to the secret society, all we ask is trust..mwahahahaha…!

Rescue-A-Negro

Dear Hollywood…

I just watched a preview for a movie that almost made me kick in my TV screen.  The Blind Side starring Sandra Bullock is the story of Michael Oher, a real-life NFL player.  Granted, this is a true story, but the trailer for it makes the guy look like some kind of simpleton.

I think I speak for the majority of Black TV viewers when I say…we’re sick of this sh*t.  We’re tired of seeing Black characters on TV and movies being rescued by color-blind, empathetic white characters, whether the stories are true or otherwise.  You’re not fooling anyone.  Ever read Heart of Darkness?  All this represents is modern-day imperialism…the need to rescue and civilize people that Europeans and their descendants view as savages or people incapable of doing for self.  Consider The Last Samurai.  Awesome movie, but did it bother anyone else that Tom Cruise outlived hundreds of Japanese men who had contributed their entire lives to the way of the Samurai while he had just learned it?

I’ve got beef with the modern 90210 series on Fox.  Tristan Wilds plays Dixon Wilson, the adopted Black son of a wealthy white family.  His mother suffers from bipolar disorder and as the icing on the predictable-a** cake, his father is obviously nowhere to be found.  So I suppose it would have been completely implausible to write in an equally wealthy, well-adjusted Black family?  I know you think you threw us a bone here, but you could have kept it.  I’d rather see a lily-white show with no central Black characters if you can’t create realistic Black characters that don’t need rescuing.  Or…[plug] you could hire a writer like me to keep it real for you.  Get at me.

Sincerely,

Mr. Front-Free.

Before The Fall: Nicholas Ryan Gant

I’m always proud to see my fellow Howard University Bison out there making moves and doing what they love, but when what they do is excellent, I get amped.  Nicholas Ryan Gant is a Howard alum who’s killing it right now on the independent music scene.  Nick’s been at this thing for a minute and the work shows.  His new project entitled “Border Breaker” is available now on iTunes, so go cop that and get familiar!!!  Seriously, like right now.  Support good music by turning off the radio, attending live shows and spreading the word about talented artists who are really putting in work to provide classic, quality music.

How To Exploit Your Family For Political Gain And Fail Miserably

 This might be an extreme view and I apologize (but not really) to anyone that’s offended, but this is the most creative application of modern-day Uncle Tomism that I have seen in recent years.  Brooklyn councilman Bill de Blasio apparently thought it would be a good political move to issue targeted mailings of the flyer displayed on the left to African-American neighborhoods.  Of course, de Blasio’s campaign (weren’t man enough to stand behind this bullsh*t yourself, huh?) denies ethnic targeting, however I don’t see how the ad at left is anything but that.  There is no information shown regarding this guy’s political platforms or what he plans to do, only who he’s doing.  That’s despicable.  Were we supposed to give props for this?  Extra props because she’s rockin’ a “natural” hairstyle?  A few more points for not being light-skinned?  Spell it out for me, de Blasio. 

This has obviously stirred up a whole gang of controversy.  One of the flyers he issued has a large image of de Blasio’s wife quoted saying “He gets it…Bill understands that we need an advocate at City Hall…”  My question is this…b*tch, who is “we”?  Statistically, a married Black woman and a Black woman married to a white man specifically represent no kind of majority or “the commonfolk”.  Does he “get it” just because he’s married to a Black woman?  I mean, what do we even know about her?  This is insulting and Chirlane de Blasio should be ashamed of herself for allowing herself to be exploited this way, not to mention having her bi-racial children showcased as part of the same campaign in another ad.  My guarantee is that Mrs. de Blasio would not be so bold as to walk into any Black Brooklyn hair salon talking about this white man she is married to who “gets it” and who they should vote for.  Try a grassroots campaign instead of hiding behind a mailing.  She would be laughed out of the borough for thinking her opinion matters to begin with. 

These poor kids don't even realize how much they're selling out. Sad.

On Bill de Blasio’s end, I’m more appalled that he and his campaign thought this would be a smart move.  But part of the blame has to also be on the Black community to eat up anything liberal politicians throw their way.  If a liberal politician visits a Black church or kisses a Black baby, all of a sudden, they’re down for the cause.  Politicians know that “down-ness” in any form solidifies their lock on the Black vote in all areas and they don’t have to do much to win us over in the future.  We have got to make it less easy for politicians to pander to us through superficiality and provide us with some real solutions and real results based on fact, not on what rap lyric you can recite in context with your message or how many Negroes have been in your home.

Why Women Love CW’s The Game

One of the unspoken rules of TV is that women watch shows that are a glossed-over version of real life while men prefer to watch things that have nothing to do with them personally at all (broke and hetero while watching Entourage and horribly out of shape while watching Sportscenter).  CW’s series The Game managed to blend the sista-friendly aesthetic of Girlfriends with the man-attracting element of sports thrown in to flesh out the audience to include both genders.  Despite the football element, though, this show is 100% for women. 

 It was kinda funny watching all of the outrage and speculation when The CW took the series The Game off of the air.  Given the similar abrupt ending of Girlfriends not too long ago, it seems like The CW is just asking for Al Sharpton to show up and tell them that Tyra and the little rented Black boy on 90210 aren’t enough to make the network’s quota for Black TVcharacters (Yeah, Tyra’s a character).  It was recently announced that BET will actually be picking up the fourth season of the show, however, so looks like some people will have to pull the stick out of their a**es and actually watch BET.

There are a number of reasons why the show is so popular with Black women, but my theory is that it all centers around the main character, Derwin Davis (played by a dude named Pooch Hall), a goofy, church-boy type too whipped to even know it.  This dude either has a terrible memory or Tia Mowry’s character has got some good stuff.  Mowry’s character Melanie has publicly sh*tted on Davis on more than one occasion, from having lunch with one of his rivals and it ending up in the paper to crawling in bed naked with his friend and teammate Malik as an ill-conceived ”get-back” plan, among other slights that only a guy and his ego could really point out.  Malik turns her down for the cookies, but it’s the principle, yall.  And sure…so dude messed with a R&B singer named Drew Sidora (I just found out this is a real person and allegedly an actual R&B singer)…your boy should never be able to say he saw your wife-to-be naked…period.

Melanie ("Med School") & Tasha (Queen B*tch)

I understand that the storyline is supposed to reflect the ups and downs of a normal relationship, but to me it seems like what not to do…ever.  Never have your girl put Johns Hopkins on hold to chase your unpredictable football career.  It will be lorded over you at every turn (forgot to take the trash out? N***a I gave up Johns Hopkins).  Not to mention that women can come and go (even ones you at one point deem wifeable), but your pride is there for life, so take care of it.  If your boo makes a move on your boy (I don’t care if you blame it on get-back, alcohol, huffing glue, rufies, or what), she’s got to pack her sh*t.  Here’s to next season and hoping Derwin finally grows a pair.

Other Reasons Why Women Love The Game

1. Kelly Pitts – Skinny, attractive blonde chick married to a Black man…usually a kiss of death for a Black show, but works here and I’ll tell you why.  For one, she’s no plain Jane milquetoast type…no one wants to get caught in the “you’re just a hater” dragnet by talking down on her…posesses that “well, if you’re gonna cross over” factor (“that stringy-haired b*tch…has on some cute shoes”).  Second, she’s a little ditzy but not enough to be annoying and is regularly getting bossed around (literally) and belittled by Wendy Raquel Robinson’s character, tasha Mack (who becomes her actual boss on the show).  The right amount of verbal abuse balances it all out…she’s the white girlfriend most sistas wish they had when they watch Sex & The City too many times in succession.
   

   Kelly shows her ass (one inch from literally) while hubby watches...what part of The Game is that?

2. Jason Pitts – Sistas hate to see a brotha with a white girl.  It’s only made less irritating and almost gratifying when that brotha seems to be the embodiment of evil.  Pitts is portrayed as comically cheap, unappreciative of his wife, and chauvinistic, granting him the she-can-have-him factor.  It’s a sista’s nightmare to be married to a pro football player that doesn’t throw away batteries until they’ve been in the refrigerator 3 or 4 times…all Gucci/Pucci/Prada dreams get shattered into a million pieces.
3. Tasha Mack – Easily the funniest character on the show and reps Richmond CA (what up) but basically represents everything white women fear about Black women…brash, no-nonsense and willing to go upside that head.  She’s what you wish you were or had the balls to be in most situations, which is why the sistas love to root for her on the show.

Caution: Do Not Wife

Well apparently I’m a little late, but Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are back together after their “amicable” breakup in July.  The breakup, I found out today, was rumored to be caused partially because of some text messages between Kim and Kanye West that Reggie got ahold of somehow.  The texts allegedly “referenced a night they hung out, how much fun he had, how hot Kim was, and more racy things that got Reggie’s imagination running” according to a FOX411 source (I have no idea how reliable any of this bullsh*t was which is why I’ve got those Law & Order words written in bold up there). 

Don't Do It Reg!: He trusted a big butt and a smile...but we're all guilty.

Let’s just say this was true.  Would you really be surprised?  I promise you that the Ray J/Kim K footage to this day gets viewed a minimum of 1 million times per day online.  I raised exactly one eyebrow when I first heard about Reggie wifing her up.  Just one.  One of the principal creeds that me and brothas like me live by is the creed that says “you can’t make a ho a housewife”.  Or let Jay-Z tell it: “Once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever”.  Stop trying to wrestle hoochies into committed relationships.  You saw what happened to Sam Rothstein in Casino.So I’ve decided that the only thing Twitter is good for in my opinion is marketing your blog or reading through silly-a** trending topics.  #Dontwifeher was of particular interest and had me laughing for like a half hour straight.  So before you wife her, you need to find some things out about your situation.

I don't care how secure you think you are...you WILL be bothered when you find out she used to date Craig Mack before you.

• Background Check – You gotta use your village.  Talk to the homies.  Throw a name out there and see what pops up.  Washington DC is a big city but it seems like the same 36 people were doing all the dating for three or four years at Howard.  Somebody has a story and you’d be better off knowing it now before playerhater #1 just runs up on you with it at your engagement party or another time when it’s too late.  You need for any dude who’s ever done anything with her to basically be a figment of the imagination…out of sight and out of mind.  You also want to know if you’re not too much of an upgrade.  You will be bothered when you find out she was dating 10th Street Tone her freshman year of college and that she used to have a thing for licking toes.
• Resume – You need to find out this woman’s full track record.  This is where Reggie messed up…the first thing that pops up when you Google Kim Kardashian is the Ray J porno.  It’s right there for all to see!  By all means have fun, but come on…she’s got a porno out “unintentionally”. (though the lighting, make-up and sound quality in it was better than any of those BET Arabesque films…sure, that was just something y’all did for y’all, right?) And it’s with Ray J?  Ray J.  Why the wedding ring?  The game is ruint.  Shawne Merriman is responsible for the same dumb sh*t.  Tila Tequila?  For real?  This chick is basically famous for her ho-tivities.  It’s the chicks who don’t have the entire last five years of their lives documented on TMZ that are more difficult to find out about, but the celeb dudes love to ignore the obvious.  Now Lamar Odom is getting married with no pre-nup?  What part of the game is this?  The wrong part evidently.
• Never Ask Other Women – You’re gonna get one of two results from asking women about other women.  If you’re asking a hater, you’re gonna end up with a lot of putting the two on the ten: “she steals” (meaning that in the 5th grade, she heard that the girl in question had borrowed some flavored Bonnie Bell lip balm from someone and never returned it).  If you ask a friend of hers, you’re gonna get pure fabrication (unless the friend secretly wants to give you the business)…”she’s really sweet”.  Ladies, if you think the adjective “sweet” means anything in guyspeak, you’re sadly mistaken…almost like saying she’s “spiritual”…means nothing more often than not and is damn near a turn off. 
• Watch Her – You can generally tell the unwifeable by her everyday activities.  If she’s a complete skeezer in her everyday activities, then chances are, you got yourself a throwaway.  If she treats servicepersons like sh*t and beats her personal assistant with her iPhone, then this is probably indicative of you ending up either on COPS with no shirt and shoes and/or on Divorce Court explaining to Judge Mablean your side of the story while sweating through a tacky silk shirt with the gold chain on the outside of the collar.  Think about it…every dude you know who’s in a messed-up relationship or has a crazy babymama has the same story: “See, I shoulda known she was the jealous type from that first date at the Cheesecake Factory when she accused me of checking out that waitress with the little  T-Rex arm”.  There’s always a sign and most of the time, things would have been better had you gone with your instincts.

Quite simply, I don’t know what these celebs are on, so that’s a whole different topic.  If I’m a celebrity, I don’t know if I want to date Babyface’ ex-wife.  Babyface used to be singing about paying rent, massaging feet, and cooking dinner and as soon as she got home from work…tough act to follow.  In the real world, though, it seems like people look at tenure as a reason or motivation to get married.  If you have been with someone for 4 years and have never been compelled to get married before of your own accord (and not based on the Tiffany & Co. catalogs she keeps having sent to your office) then it’s time to re-evaulate if you’re just in the relationship because it’s easy or if the person you’re with is your ace-boon for real.  Slow it down.

The Place of Blackface: Beyond Bamboozled

 

French Vogue gets tres ignorant.

 It was recently brought to my attention that there was some controversy over a spread in French Vogue featuring model Lara Stone modeling various outfits in full-on blackface.  While I do not think the images were intended to be directly hurtful, the ignorance and the audacity are what get me.  I understand that race relations in France and Europe as a whole are very different than they are here in America and that blackface has more of a negative connotation here than anywhere else, but as a fashion journalist, this represented poor judgment on the part of their editor.  The spread is tasteful as far as how it was done, but were they so pressed to be shocking and avant garde that they decided to go ahead with the blackface idea despite people’s feelings or was it so difficult to find a Black woman worthy of their prestigious magazine that they had to use a white girl and just blacken her skin (this is sarcasm)?  Did Alek Wek die?  This is a cheap cry for attention because no publicity is bad publicity.  Vogue will gloss over this and move on unscathed.

I don't even know who this is supposed to be but this dude must not live near any Black people. Try this sh*t in South Central LA and see what happens.

I didn’t hear a whole lot of controversy over Robert Downey Jr.’s performance in Tropic Thunder, but I understood thta there was some and people would not be totally off-base to take offense if they had not seen the movie, but I saw it and I thought it was great.  In addition to showing that this was a white actor becoming Black in the movie and actually having a Black character there to point out the ignorance of it all was pure genius.  And Downey’s portrayal of the character was comical, not hurtful.  I couldn’t say I didn’t know people in my own family that acted and talked exactly like him.  He wasn’t painted with charcoal body paint, it was a normal shade of brown and he wasn’t chowing down on chicken and watermelon in every scene. 

Quite simply, if you are going to tread into blackface territory, do tread carefully.  There is a fine line between satirical and offensive and crossing over to the wrong side of that line could very well get you hurt.  Do the research and understand the struggle.  That being said, we as a people cannot jump at every provocation.  We have more important things to worry about.  We’re playing into their hands, giving them just the publicity they clearly so desperately seek.  But first and foremost, people have to be more responsible for what they put out there in the media.  If you’re trying to be offensive, pat yourself on the back, because blackface will usually be that, but don’t feign ignorance when someone calls you out on it.

Funny.  Downey plays a Black man with a Southern dialect…I have known white people and Black people who talk like this and there was more to the movie aside from just the blackface if you have ever seen it.  The joke is on Hollywood, not necessarily on Black people.

Not funny.  The grape soda bit was funny enough (“F*** a Fanta…this tastes purple as f***”) on its own without the blackface.  Yes, Black people like colored fruit drinks…I joke on this myself occasionally and I don’t mind white comedians referencing it.  But the overall look and feel of this is not unlike what was acceptable in mainstream media to mock Blacks a hundred years ago.  There’s too much history available for you to not understand why this would be offensive.  “Go ape for grape”?  Come on dude…this is the old racist joke comparing Black people to monkeys and apes.  Feel free to joke, but be somewhat tasteful and make sure the offensive doesn’t overshadow the humor.  Do your research.